Feeling Horrible

Assalamualaikum Diary,

I think that I'm really bad. Until at some points, I regret all the things that I've said and done. How can I say all that when the end of it, I regret and don't know how to make it right.

Well, I'm pretty sure that you quite confuse about what am I saying.
Haha. Actually, just now, I talk bad about people... and I think I did create a "thing" that actually that "thing" wasn't true... You get what it means??
Aaaahhh... I don't know how to explain to you because its kinda complicated. Haaa....

Diary, 
If only you know how to deal with this life well and teach me how. All I can do now is just pray to Allah, seeking for my forgiveness in every perspective and pray to Him to accompany me in every decisions I will make so that I will not regret it any more. 

Ya Allah,
Kalau di sini saja tempat yang ku mampu untuk berasa ikhlas denganMu,
Kau terimalah dan makbulkanlah doaku yang penuh dengan kekurangan.

Ya Allah,
HambaMu di sini memohon pertolonganMu ya Rabbi.
Aku yang jahil, lagi bongkak bahkan kejam memohon akan keampunanMu dalam setiap apa yang aku lakukan di dunia yang fana ini.
Aku bukanlah hambaMu yang patuh dengan ajaranMu.
Bimbinglah aku dalam menjadi hamba yang sebenar-benar hamba, yang selayaknya bagiku.
Sekiranya hati ini ingin berasa iri harti, Kau lembutkanlah ya Allah.
Sekiranya mulut ini ingin berkata tentang keburukan orang lain, Kau senyapkanlah.
Sekiranya niat ini ingin melakukan kejahatan, Kau sekatkanlah.
Sekiranya diri ini ingin menyakiti orang lain, Kau hentikanlah.
Ya Allah, aku hanya insan yang lemah yang tak mampu untuk mengawal diriku dalam setiap pergerakan.
Janganlah sesekali kau meletakkan nasib ku ini di atas diriku sendiri.
Kau tentukanlah ya Allah setiap pergerakan, percakapan, perbuatan yang ku ingin lakukan sehingga akhirnya aku mendapat keredaanMu daripada kemurkaanMu ya Allah.
Sesungguhnya aku tahu, diri ini semakin hampir ke arah kematian.
Maka dengan itu, aku bermohon agar kau memberi ku banyak peluang dalam membimbing ku menjadi orang yang lebih dewasa di samping menebus kesalahan ku yang lalu.
Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Kau lah Tuhan yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Mengasihani.

Aminn.. 

Guide Me to be A Better One

The New Beginning...

Assalamualaikum diary,

Guess what? I think I've lost my mind for being a cautious person. Lately, I've been wondering what others think about me, and i did ask a few people how they feel, and it goes like this...

When we're having group discussion, they always have to obey my opinions.... We got the 'GEDIKS' tittle because of me!... It is so easy for me to call other people, especially guys 'SAYANG'...  why can't I control my voice in the class? ... I always act like a child! ...etc.

Of course, they did not say the words like that. But I asked other people what my group members usually talked about me to them. Seriously, I feel so down, even now. How can they don't understand me even they have been hanging around with me for the past 1 year!! 

Guys, I'm sorry for being a self-centered girl for all this times. I know I've done all that. I always make you guys obey me.. I'm really sorry. :( 

Wait, what's the problem with calling others 'sayang'... I did not call that especially to guys, I even use them to girls WHEN I CAN'T REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!!! 

What's the problem with the GEDIK tittle!!! They didn't call you guys gedik, they call me GEDIK!! IT IS ME!!! NOT YOU GUYS!!  I didn't ask you to bring the tittle with you!! DID I !!!

Ya Allah,
Please give me strength to face those people out there. I really need your help to guide and avoid me from meeting those kinds of people in the future. Make me understand your reasons by showing me all these scene of life. Guide me to be a better person.. 

My next plan,
I will proof to them that I can change to be a better person!
I know that I can!
There must be the reasons why Allah show me the other sides!

But, first of all, I need to correct my Nawaitu, I must change for the sake of Allah instead of other people...In Sha Allah...